Dark days....
For years, visibly during my childhood days, it's like a shadow that haunts me. I didn't realize how I acted such, i thought it's nothing out of the ordinary. I don't even know what it's called or don't even know if I needed medical attention. I felt disturbed and helpless knowing that I cannot escape the tremors. The haunting becomes unbearable, it's like an addiction that I cannot control. I had a hard time living the so called everyday life. It has to be multiple times, repetitive, redundant, it is a sick feeling. I am trapped. It's like shouting without a sound, eyes that won't blink. How can it end?
I kept it to myself, though my brother noticed and made fun out of it. I felt desperate.
He had seen me closed the door several times until it was perfect, turned the lights off until the switch won't create a sound. If he pushes me, I even have to ask him to do it again.
I'm also obsessed in washing my hands. Especially when doing chores, from the start to in between and when its done. I want everything in order but the surroundings doesn't fit the way I wanted.
I felt abashed............. chagrined to what's happening to me...... it could be just a personality or maybe a disorder.....
Discovery.....
Imagine life without television, our immediate connection to the world of information. What I'm pointing out is awareness. I glanced and came upon this tv show, they've shown a video of patients who are characterized with thoughts of intrusion and resulting to compulsive behavior so called OCD. Bam! Alas! I am not alone..... I am suprised that there are severe cases, I thought I got the worst. Thankful or sourgraping, I don't know.
Sunset, in gradual motion....
Even if I have this curse, I tried not to be affected. It's like mind over matter. Man! I have to enjoy life which took place in my childhood to late teens. I have reached the point where I just told myself, this has to end if not immediate, gradually. I became lackadaisical, even with this disorder, laziness bites. I got tired of it. Now, I just laughed at myself whenever it haunts me.
To all who have this curse(OCD), it is hard I know, we just have to breathe deeply and realize that there are lots of things to do. We can be functional if we want. It's more of wanting not to want this. It haunts but at the end, its up to us..... just get tired of it and you'll be fine. Divert your attention into something that will help your personality grow. Get up, there are lots of things out there to discover...........................
For years, visibly during my childhood days, it's like a shadow that haunts me. I didn't realize how I acted such, i thought it's nothing out of the ordinary. I don't even know what it's called or don't even know if I needed medical attention. I felt disturbed and helpless knowing that I cannot escape the tremors. The haunting becomes unbearable, it's like an addiction that I cannot control. I had a hard time living the so called everyday life. It has to be multiple times, repetitive, redundant, it is a sick feeling. I am trapped. It's like shouting without a sound, eyes that won't blink. How can it end?
I kept it to myself, though my brother noticed and made fun out of it. I felt desperate.
He had seen me closed the door several times until it was perfect, turned the lights off until the switch won't create a sound. If he pushes me, I even have to ask him to do it again.
I'm also obsessed in washing my hands. Especially when doing chores, from the start to in between and when its done. I want everything in order but the surroundings doesn't fit the way I wanted.
I felt abashed............. chagrined to what's happening to me...... it could be just a personality or maybe a disorder.....
Discovery.....
Imagine life without television, our immediate connection to the world of information. What I'm pointing out is awareness. I glanced and came upon this tv show, they've shown a video of patients who are characterized with thoughts of intrusion and resulting to compulsive behavior so called OCD. Bam! Alas! I am not alone..... I am suprised that there are severe cases, I thought I got the worst. Thankful or sourgraping, I don't know.
Sunset, in gradual motion....
Even if I have this curse, I tried not to be affected. It's like mind over matter. Man! I have to enjoy life which took place in my childhood to late teens. I have reached the point where I just told myself, this has to end if not immediate, gradually. I became lackadaisical, even with this disorder, laziness bites. I got tired of it. Now, I just laughed at myself whenever it haunts me.
To all who have this curse(OCD), it is hard I know, we just have to breathe deeply and realize that there are lots of things to do. We can be functional if we want. It's more of wanting not to want this. It haunts but at the end, its up to us..... just get tired of it and you'll be fine. Divert your attention into something that will help your personality grow. Get up, there are lots of things out there to discover...........................
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